Friday, 12 December 2008

Disasters narrowly averted 1

Lucy had been living with Aidan for a year or more when she became a strippagram. She specialised in naughty nurses and didn’t tell Aidan, considering their sex life to be too much of a chore already.

She only worked during the day, appearing at leaving parties, birthday do’s and other pedestrian functions. The money came in handy, as Aidan was not a big earner and Lucy had fashionable tastes. All in all she had to consider it a success, if you discounted the roving hands and the dribble.

Then one day, she was called to a sales conference at a local hotel. The target was the Salesman of the Month, had a crabby wife and needed a little treatment before going home to her. She rehearsed the pathetic clich├ęs that always worked on these occasions in the mini-cab, walked into the hotel, with a coat disguising her outfit.

She was lead by some sniggering colleagues, each trying to peer inside her coat for a preview, to a large but dingy reception suite.

“He’s the gimpy one in the blue suit and glasses, holding the diploma,” one said.

They paused by the door, as Lucy struggled out of her coat. Then she pulled back her shoulders, unbuttoned her cleavage and burst into the room.

Aidan, for once in his life a success at work, turned to see what he thought was his girlfriend rushing towards him in microscopic nurse’s outfit, stockings and high-heels, shouting “Time for your bed bath, big boy!”

He went into cardiac arrest on the spot. As Lucy leant over him, at a loss for her next course of action, Aidan was too far gone to remember who she was.

Lucy changed her routine to Naughty Nun. She felt it’d be safer that way.

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