Saturday, 2 July 2011

Surprise! 2

“He won’t know what hit ‘im,” Constable Hipkiss observed with some satisfaction as he and Sergeant Potts concealed themselves about the luxury suite in the Grand Hotel. “Gentleman Cat Burglar? Rat in a trap, more like!”

Concealment was no easy matter; Potts had an ample figure which protruded beneath the floor length velvet drapes now drawn across the window. And Hipkiss, having received permission to take his helmet off, was still finding it difficult to fold himself into the wardrobe, hung with expensive Parisian frocks and exotically scented with Lady Lobelia Carson’s perfumes. What his wife was going to say, he shuddered to think.

The drapes rose and fell with Potts stertorous breathing and his voice was muffled as he spoke, “Mind the language, Hipkiss, You’re working with the Yard now.”

The Yard in the form of Inspector Cutler and Detective Sergeant Walsh was endeavouring to hide itself behind an enormous bouquet of roses set in a free-standing Chinese vase of Imperial dimensions. It was never going to work so Walsh yielded to rank and disconsolately crammed himself under the king-size bed.

“Right, absolute silence,” commanded Inspector Cutler. “Nobody moves a muscle till he’s in and opened the safe.”

And they waited. And waited.

Until Lady Lobelia Carson staggered through the door clinging on to a young airman and a bottle of champagne. Giggling and tottering she pulled off her clothes and then dragged him down on the carpet with her.

“But the bed...” he protested.

“Too far away,” she replied and fell hungrily upon him.

At one point in the proceedings she was down on all fours when, opening her eyes, she caught sight of Sergeant Walsh’s baleful stare from under the bed.

“Oh, bugger,” she sighed, maintaining a firm grip on the carpet. “I knew I’d forgotten something.”


Chips Hardy and Oscar Grillo said...

Sorry, readers, I had to tone down the illustration in order to avoid the "banner of censorship" that Blogger awards you with when they don't like what you drew. Use your imagination instead.

Chinese Gordon said...

Disgusting. Vile. Perverse beyond belief. Setting roses rather than chrysanthemums in Imperial Chinese porcelain. Such depravity!