Friday, 9 October 2009

The Perfect Crime 3

“Do you know who I am?” the old woman glared up at the floorwalker like a pug with toothache.

“Of course, Lady Malmouth,” he tried to pacify her. “We meet so often.”

“Then, why are you molesting me in this appalling fashion?” she bellowed, and the entire jewellery department stopped and stared.

The floorwalker prevailed on her nurse-companion, Bridget, “I must examine Lady Malmouth’s handbag. I fear she might inadvertently…,” he had said this so often, he could hardly bear to string the euphemism together, “...again.”

Bridget nodded, and then whispered in Lady Malmouth’s ear, “Shall we leave this for Christopher to settle, my lady? And go home and put our feet up?”

Lady Malmouth gave a peremptory nod and then emptied the contents of her bag onto the counter. She sniffed at the floorwalker, “If your staff were more attentive, one might not be forced to help oneself.”

Her son, the Honourable Christopher would soon be in, brusque and embarrassed, to sign the cheque; later, he would draw Bridget aside to upbraid her for taking his mother back into London’s finest store, when everyone knew what was bound to happen. Bridget would protest she had no control over her ladyship and offer notice, which Christopher would hastily turn down, having even less control himself.

The floorwalker escorted them to the side entrance, Lady Malmouth brushing his effusions aside.

Back in the Mayfair mews, Lady Malmouth sank back onto a gilded sofa, with a gin. Bridget went to her room. She took the platinum note-clip and the pearls from her coat pocket and examined them. They were of her usual high quality. At this rate she’d be able to buy the beach-house in Goa within two years. Providing Lady Malmouth didn’t do anything stupid, like die on her.


No One In Particular said...

Goa's a bit xenophobic these days:

Perhaps Umbria?

Oscar Grillo said...

Well spotted, No One!...Are you sure that they didn't mean Wales instead Goa?

The Vivos said...

Love the stories & the drawings... this one makes me think of Toulouse lautrec ;)

Patricia said...

It is always advisable to check before you spend your ill gotten gains.

(word verification is "lexesse" - a combination of laxity and largesse?)

Chips said...

Alas, one cannot extrapolate from one ironic intervention by the Fates, that crime does not pay.

ed said...

un crimen ejemplar! (y el dibujo de lady Malmouth, al igual que su "geronto-glacial" apellido, geniales! as usual)